Most of us lose confidence from time to time and in certain situations but we also all have areas of our lives where we feel really confident. In those situations, we feel that we can do anything we want, or we are happy to try new things. The mix is different for everyone. Some people are really relaxed at home and can cook fabulous meals or throw excellent parties. Others are great dancers, or tennis players, or golfers. Some people are strong and assertive at work but stress about social occasions.
Knowing where you’re confident and why is really useful, because the first way to give yourself instant confidence is to think about your past successes. This is particularly helpful when you’re about to go into a stressful situation like an interview, or speaking in public. Just take a minute and think about a real achievement, something you accomplished. It can be anything at all, but it must be something you did through hard work and effort and it must have made you really proud. One client thinks about getting her PhD, another thinks about the first car he bought. It really doesn’t matter as long as it’s important to you. Have it in mind a few seconds before you stand up to do your elevator pitch or go into the meeting.
The second thing you can do to give yourself instant confidence is to change the story you’re telling yourself. We make sense of things by turning what happens to us into stories but because we have incomplete info we make assumptions about what’s going on. And guess what, these assumptions are always negative. So, when you’re feeling judged, ask yourself what else might have been going on for the person you think is judging you. What else might they be thinking about? We can’t know what people are thinking so why not choose to assume it doesn’t involve you at all? Because, newsflash, it probably doesn’t!
The third way is to argue with yourself, tell the nagging voice to shut up. When it’s going off just say to yourself: thoughts are not facts. Argue with it. I’m not stupid, I run my own business/have a degree/get loads of questions right on University Challenge! Picture your certificates, or that award you won or the testimonial a client gave you. Whatever works for you.
To find out how coaching might help you become more confident more quickly, email Jackie at firstname.lastname@example.org or call her on 01235 861 311. Alternatively just book a no-obligation initial session now at https://calendly.com/jackiefitzgerald/strategy-session