How to stop beating yourself up for things you haven’t done

I just realised it’s a couple of weeks since I posted anything on LinkedIn.  My monthly newsletter is late, and I haven’t blogged in weeks.  My poor Facebook group has also been sorely neglected for the past couple of months. ‘#*&@!’ (insert expletive of choice.  I used a bad one.)

I immediately started to beat myself up for neglecting those who are interested in my ramblings.

All the shoulds, musts and oughts started swirling through my mind. I started telling myself that I was useless, lazy and can’t ever stick to a plan.

Then I thought, hang on a minute! What exactly are you doing?

I gave myself a mental slap and asked myself – what would you say to your clients?

Here are some of the things I tend to ask or say when a client is beating themselves up:

• What’s been going on for you lately?
• Do you think you’ve been doing your best given everything that’s been going on?
• What would you say to a friend who has had all that going on?
• Be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend.
• How useful is it to beat yourself up?
• What’s a small thing you can do to get back on track?
• Pay attention to what you need to do not what you feel you should do.

Yep. That reset me.

Here’s what’s been going on for me lately:

• I’ve taken quite a few new clients on, which is brilliant but can be challenging as I get to know them and start thinking about coaching or therapy plans.  Plus there’s always a lot of admin to see to.
• I have overcommitted and taken on too many new projects. This is a recurrent problem.  Not only do I still think I’m 25 but I always fall into the trap of thinking things will take about half the time I really need.
• I have a number of hard deadlines which are all hitting at once.
• We’re in December and like many people I’ve had a really tough year.
• I haven’t had a proper holiday for over 2 years.
• I’ve just had a really nasty bug that I can’t quite shake off.
• I’m post viral and absolutely knackered.

That’s quite a lot in addition to all of the everyday hassles and challenges that we all face.

I sat down and thought about what I need to do rather than what that inner voice is telling me I should be doing. 

I thought about the fact that we’re just a couple of weeks away from the Christmas break and there’s only so much you can do in a relatively short space of time.  It dawned on me that I just can’t hit some of the deadlines, most of my to-do list won’t get done and actually that’s OK. Suddenly what I need to do became clear:

• focus on the 1:1 clients who have sessions booked over the next couple of weeks
• reschedule or let go of some commitments.  I do like a fuck-it list (see here)
• rest when I need to, eat well and start to exercise as I get my health back
• check back in with people who give me energy and joy
• have a good break over Christmas and switch off so I can come back fresh in the New Year.
• re-learn not to take too much on. I’ll address that through coaching in 2022.

So that’s what I’m going to do. Focus on one thing (my clients), let go of most of the rest, practise self-care and get some coaching arranged for the New Year.

And that’s the message of this final newsletter of 2021.  As we enter this busy, exhausting time of the year remember:

1. Focus on what you truly need to do. 
2. Ditch the oughts and musts and worrying about what everybody else thinks
3. Look after yourself as much as you can.

To talk to me about how I can help you book a quick chat here.