‘A fact of life, everywhere you look there’ll be a dickhead.’
Catherine Cawood, in Happy Valley by Sally Wainwright
I’m often asked how to deal with tricky people. The answer is it depends, and it depends on a lot of things. But there is a technique I use over and over again and it has proved very effective. It combines two of my favourite things: curiosity and asking for help.
Here’s how it works.
If someone says or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable or awkward, or puts you on the spot just say ‘Help me out. I don’t understand why are you saying or doing that right now? What are you trying to achieve?’
If they’re trying to give you feedback or advice, they’ll backtrack and explain what they’re doing. So that’s helpful. But if they’re trying to be funny they usually squirm, struggle to explain and end up apologising. They seldom do it again.
I used it with a bit of a weird one recently.
I was at a birthday party and someone I had just met told me the DJ would only play a song they requested if someone else asked for it. They asked me to request the song next time I passed the DJ.
I thought it was a bit odd but took it at face value, quite liked the song and so made the request. The song was played.
This person then went all around the other guests telling them he had made up the whole thing and, ha ha, I still asked for the song. He even ended up bragging to me about it so, genuinely bemused, I said ‘Help me out. I don’t understand why you asking me to make a request, which I did in good faith, is funny or why it makes ME look stupid?’ He looked at me in surprise. I repeated the question, looking expectantly at him. He apologised and walked away.
Give it a try!
And no, I still don’t understand why he thought it was funny!
If you found this useful or interesting and would like to talk to me about how I might be able to help you give me a call on +44 (0)7485 248 353 or click here to book yourself in a for a free, no obligation chat.
Leave a Reply